Fingers 'n' cricket

Correct me if I���m wrong, for I wouldn���t know which end of a bat to hold and I did think for long that forward short leg was a politer way of mentioning a certain part of the male anatomy. But in my day cricket was about gentlemen players, very rich, starry sportsmen wielding willow and sending down a hard, red ball at disgusting speeds in an effort to get the man at the other end off the field ��� bleeding or plain out.
Things seem to have changed. The past week, whenever someone has had the temerity to tune in to anything cricket on my television -- strictly reserved for teary soap and incestuous family drama ��� it���s the finger that holds centrestage. And not the one that the umpire holds up either.
A few days ago, for instance, there was much ado about an Australian finger allegedly held up in recognition of some stellar behaviour from cricket fans at that heavenly ground, Kolkata���s Eden. Their own rowdiness excused, hell hath no fury as Kolkatans scorned. So the owner of the said finger has since been scurrying, retracting words and well, finger.
For non-cricket-freaks like yours truly, Greg Chappell was poster material on the wall of the best friend���s hunky brother. Then you see him utterly bemused ��� now sorry, now not, now confessing, now not, about a blurred photographed finger. How the lowly index can fell a great. His own at that.
Well, so much for controversy. The bitter taste of Kolkata was forgotten in the warm arms of Mumbai and cricket was thankfully fingerless again. At least that���s what was said in animated conversation round the corner. Imagine my utter confusion then, when the television accidentally switched on to the Mumbai match. Horror of horrors, there was a finger here too. A South African finger this time.
An announcer, voice dipped in concern, enquired of the South African captain Graeme Smith about his finger. Since the match had ended and prizes were being lined up on the field, all one could gather was that another index had made news. Aha, another special finger.
Turned out this finger was not rude, it was injured while attempting a catch. So it could be inquired about on national television. Unlike the other finger that could only be alluded to. But both fingers can affect the game ��� this injured index belongs to South Africa���s in-form captain and he is now a doubtful starter for his team���s next series.
Makes one think. How powerful one little skinny extremity can be. Uh? Well, that too, but we are talking fingers here. When you want to provoke someone to do unmentionables, you finger them. Occasionally, when you are being fingered, you give the offender the finger. After a fiery exchange of fingers, you can point the finger, put the finger on why the fingers flew and even cross your fingers that such things will not happen again.
If you are the networked variety, you have a finger in many pies. If you are the networked variety and also a knockout, you can wrap many pie-makers around your fingers. And then, you can burn your fingers with the wrong choice ��� job, gesture, whatever.
Which is what India coach, Greg Chappell, is no doubt thinking as he surveys his hand.